Famous For

As cool as this template is and as much fun as I've had with this blog, I'm going to say good-bye. Not good-bye, really, more like so long.

I'm trading in this cool, color change template for a boring blogger template, but all good things must end, eh?

Visit my new blog where I'll write write sporadically for months on end...

I'm lonely.
It seems so much worse to admit being lonely than it is to actually be lonely.

My friend Fanny -- huh, it sounds like that should be the title of one of those Eisenhower-era young adult novels about a kid and a horse, doesn't it? Anyway, my friend Fanny called and asked if I wanted to go out tonight. I'll say here that I think she has ulterior motives. She always has ulterior motives. One of the reasons we aren't better friends is that I don't think she values my friendship, per se, just whatever means I can help her reach.

That's not fair. She has tried to be a friend, to be my friend. I never made it easy. I could never get over the fact that we don't really have much in common. At any rate, I shouldn't be surprised that I'm not on the 'active' friend list. Now I guess I'm more on the networking list, the list of contacts.

Anyway, one of the things we don't share is man trouble, at least not the same kind. She was looking to avoid her latest guy because he'd pissed her off and she didn't want to deal with him. Basically she needed an excuse to be 'busy' tonight and my name came up. She wanted to go see The Notebook, and there is no way in hell I was going to see that bucket of crap on opening night and pay full price (yet another thing we don't have in common, taste in movies). We decided we'd go out to dinner instead. I was going to eat cheaply so I could pay cash (cash -- it's the new credit!).

Much to my surprise, I was looking forward to it. Usually any get together with Fanny is not 100 percent fun. We ususlly spend all the time talking about her assorted man troubles, job troubles, and life troubles. Not to sound selfish, but I like to talk about my man, job and life troubles sometimes, too. Anyway, I wasn't feeling any of the usual dread I associate with a 'date' with Fanny and was glad to have an excuse to enjoy non-companion pet company.

God, this has turned into an opus, hasn't it? That's the story of my life, long, drawn out and interesting to no one but me.

She calls later, and, lo and behold, she's found someone to see The Notebook with, so can we make it lunch on Sunday? Sure, no problem. That just leaves me date-less on a Friday night.

Now, I'm normally dateless on Friday night. Hell, on every night, for that matter. If I weren't married (to a man whose perpetually elsewhere, unfortunately) I could go days without talking to another human being (outside of work, that is, but that doesn't count. Everyone is paid to be there.) But, now that I was primed to go out, it dawned on me that I have no one to go out with. No one. No one I even feel comfortable asking, much less spending an evening with.

I have got to make friends. I didn't think being grown up would be so isolating. I didn't think the height of my social life would occur when I was 8. God, life is a drag.

Okay, Now I remember why I don't take this crap on a regular basis. Remember that burst of energy I was all giddy about earlier? Well, here comes the crash. That must explain why I'm seriously considering going to bed at 7 pm on Sunday evening...

Well, about two hours ago I took some cold and sinus medicine. I don't normally take that stuff; the pseudo-ephedrine in it makes me feel all jittery and wired. Today I had a killer sinus headache, though, so I dug through the kitchen cabinet and found some.

I'm starting to think I've been too harsh on the whole taking-drugs-to-feel-better thing. Not only is my sinus headache (mostly) gone, but I had a burst of energy and cleaned up the kitchen. The downside is I'm incredibly thirsty. That's a small price to pay, I suppose, for pain-free energy.

Better living through chemistry, indeed!

Okay, so I didn't win the lottery. Someone in El Paso did. It was up to $145 million, so I decided to give it a shot. Normally, I don't do such things because, deep down in my heart, I know the lottery is for suckers. Chris normally buys tickets, though, so I figured I'd buy it in his honor because he's out gallivanting somewhere in the Midwest.

Granted somebody's going to win, but the odds against it are so astronomical as to be ridiculous. I must admit that an extra million or two would come in handy right about now...

Once again I've sworn off credit cards, not the least because I've reached an unhappy milestone on card #3. No, I'm too embarrassed to say how much I owe on just one card, but suffice it to say it's too much.

I feel like such an idiot. I should know better; I do know better. It's just like the lottery, credit cards are a fool's game. And here I am, one of the fools. I guess it should be gratifying to know I'm not alone, but it's not. I really have to do better. It's much better to be broke and not in debt than to be broke and in debt.

It shouldn't be this hard to live within your means, right? I'm not frivolous; I don't have closets full of shoes or CDs. I guess I'm just lazy. It's so much easier to take the path of least resistance, at least until the bill comes at the end of the month, but then, of course, it's too late...

Summer is here. After a blissfully long spring, summer has arrived in Texas. With a vengeance. How do I know? Well, it was 98 degrees today, for one thing. Someone said it reached 100, but I don't want to exaggerate.

I'm one of those people who love hot weather. The prospect of going outdoors and not having to wonder if I need a sweater positively thrills me. But today, even after spending all morning in a meat locker, uh, I mean in my office, I ate lunch outside while sweltering in the shade. I mean it. Sweltering. I was sitting there eating and reading and I could feel sweat popping out of my skin. It stung a bit, I guess from lack of use. Every year I'm so glad to see summer come until it actually gets here and I realize how bad it is.

Another herald of summer? We're currently under a tornado watch. Not a warning, not yet, but a watch, just the same. It looks really grim outside. It's gray, but not a normal gray like it's overcast, but an abnormal gray, like its not. It's bright, but it's dark. It's ominously gray; it's a bad ass look that let's you know something bad could happen. Plus its all hot and humid and muggy and that makes you miserable enough.

I don't really think I'll get hit with a tornado, but I'm slightly apprehensive. It's like thinking about dying in a terrorist attack or in a plane crash. The odds are with you, but there's always that chance...

Tornados are scary and random and there's nothing you can do but hide. And pray, I guess. You are completely at its mercy. How's that for realizing your true significance in the universe? But they are cool. From a distance, of course. There's something fascinating about destruction, especially that which refuses to be understood, even barely comprehended.

Blusterily.

I'm noticing that my blog is looking a little retro. I can't help it. I don't know enough about anything to design my own blog and the new blogger templates are kinda lame, IMHO.

I like the psychedelic quality of this one. I found an updated version, but I couldn't quite figure out how it works (told ya I don't know anything).

Anyway, consider this a mini head trip -- on me!

I am currently listening to Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb." Definitely one of the top 10 Pink Floyd songs, but my favorite remains "Wish You Were Here." "Mother" may be no. 2, though I'm by no means an expert.


Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

*Sigh* I can't afford to live in this town. I don't think I can afford to live anywhere. I'm not sure I can afford to live.

This all started because I wanted to get in shape and lose 20 pounds. Hey, I'll join a gym! It can't be all that much, and I'll get the benefit of trainers, classes, a pool, etc. Well, I found out that the one I wanted to join is a $150 'enrollment fee' and 30 bucks a month. That's $400 dollars a year! To torture myself!

The friend who did all the legwork is now pushing me to join because we're getting a great 'deal' by joining together. But you know what the worst part is? I want to join, I just really can't afford to. I don't have 150 bucks just sitting around. My DH needs to buy equipment for his class *and* needs spending money while he's on the road and he needs it now since he's leaving this weekend. Guess what? We don't have it.

What else? The only college friend I keep in touch with on a regular basis is going to be in Vegas next week. It's been years since I've seen her last. I've been wanting to visit her in NYC for years, but I haven't been yet. Why? I can't afford it.

Now she's going to be in Vegas and of course, I've wanted to visit Vegas for years but can never afford it. Now I have a free place to stay (she's there on business) and all I have to buy is a plane ticket. Oh, but she has tickets to Cirque de Soleil and I've also been dying to see them for years. I even had a chance to see them when they came to town, but who can afford $100 tickets? Apparently I can because the Vegas show is $85 bucks a piece and I told her to go on and buy a ticket for me because I'm making this trip to see her and it would be crazy to pass up this chance, right?

Well, yeah, except I can't afford any of this stuff. I am walking the all-American line of being one or two paychecks from being out on the street. It seems like I never get anywhere. I sacrifice and scrimp and work and I don't have anything to show for it. Granted, it doesn't help that the DH is decidedly not a 'big picture' guy when it comes to money. I, on the other hand, do the binge and purge thing where I won't spend a dime for months until I get fed up with all this being good and blow a wad of cash on something that I've been wanting for such a long time and am I never going to have any fun?

What's the worst part of all this? I'm going to put every single blessed thing that I can't afford on the credit card, thereby ensuring that I can't afford the next thing that I really have to do because now is the only time and I'll really regret it later on if I don't.

I'm not a shopoholic. I'm really not. My downfall is that I have a good reason for everything I buy. Airplane tickets to go to a funeral, for instance. What are you gonna do, not go? I refuse to buy myself new clothes because I can't afford them, but it seems like something else always comes up.

So. Blow off Vegas right? and one of my oldest friends. There will always be next time, right? Screw the gym, right? (I probably will do that. I can't justify it even to myself.)

I know, I know. If I had been smarter earlier on, I wouldn't be in this mess. It's all my fault so now I must suffer. Pay now or pay later, right?

Life sucks. I don't want to win the lottery. I just want to live without feeling hunted and anxious about money. Convent, anyone?

Now isn't *this* sweet?


Tarzan!


What movie Do you Belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, I bought The Strokes' new album (yes, I paid cash). I've only listened to it all the way through 2 times, so far. I heard somewhere that you should listen to an album 3 times before making a decision.

With that being said, the new album is a bit underwhelming. Not awful, but not great either. Just okay, so far.

I'm not disappointed, though, just not ecstatic...